Guilt

Tonight I am feeling guilty. It has been a week since my last visit with my grandmother, and will be another week and a half until I get to see her again. We are leaving for San Diego in a few days for a quick get away to see two of my best friends. And I feel guilty. Rather than excited and happy to take my kids on vacation, I am feel bad about the amount of time that passes between visits.

As much as I would like to be there with her, playing Scrabble and cards and having lunch with her, I have my own family now and businesses and things that need my attention. I feel a bit like I've abandoned her, pushed her into a nursing home against her will. I think I should be there more, and I can't, and no matter how logically I approach this, I still wind up feeling terrible about it.

Life goes on. This a phrase that keeps going through my head. She had her kids, and her kids had kids, and now I have my kids. There are only so many hours in a day and for me, my kids have to be my priority now. And I know that she understands this. It just makes me sad for her. And for me.