Not My Cup of Tea

Feeling like I'm operating on borrowed time this morning, stolen moments that could vanish in an instant. The baby was up more than he slept last night, which now seems likes a mixed blessing, as he is peacefully slumbering in my bed, I have accomplished every task I wanted to this morning and now have a rare oppurtunity to write while the sun is still out.

Going to visit my grandma today and wondering who will be there when I arrive, which grandma will I be visiting.  Will she be flat and quiet and tired and confused? Or will she be pleased to see me and the kids? It seems no matter which one it is, she is always insistent that everyone in my family needs a good hair brushing.  Nearly every time she sees me she asks what I've done with my hair, in a tone that indicates she is not really pleased with it.  Rather than try to explain ombré to an 84 year old woman I usually say 'Why gram, don't you like it?' to which she responds, 'Its not my cup of tea.'  And this is okay with me. Even her insistence that my children look like ragamuffins is totally fine by me. I want her to have an opinion, to stay engaged.  I don't need her to approve of me or all of my decisions in life.  Especially if those decisions involving forgoing hairbrushing in exchange for peace and quiet once in awhile.

I'm going to the wake tonight of a woman that my grandmother really loved.  A woman that was my neighbor when I was growing up, a woman that was there, in my house, in the middle of a blizzard on the night that I was born, standing next to my grandmother as I entered this world.  Karla was one of those people you encounter rarely in life. She was a powerhouse. My mother and I talked a lot about her last weekend.  She could do anything, my mom said, there wasn't anything she wasn't good at.  Her daughter Tracy wrote beautifully about her mother's journey through cancer in such and honest and raw way that it was an honor to read it.  It has been my inspiration to start writing here. I am looking forward to seeing Tracy and her sister Terry tonight, I just wish the circumstances were different.