I've never had to put a loved one in a nursing home before. Or witnessed someone decline physically and mentally, while having moments of perfect clarity. This is all new to me and I am figuring it out as I go.
This has been an exhausting, heart breaking experience. I think about my grandmother numerous times through out the day. When I'm getting my kids ready for school, during my first cup of coffee, playing with Crosby in the park, having lunch with friends. I am often just wondering what she is doing in that exact moment. Is she sad or lonely? Does she feel okay? Is she upset that she is not home?
I will see her on Sunday in the nursing home. I'm not really sure what to expect when I get there. My expectations are very low, mostly just hoping to find her calm and safe and possibly even content. I guess my expectations aren't that low. I'm an optimist a heart, I can't change that. I want her to be happy. It's all I've ever really wanted for her.
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