Below is what I wrote this morning but did not get a chance to post. Since writing this my dear grandmother has left us. I want to believe the speed of her departure means her physical suffering was brief. I will miss her terribly.
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A missed call from my mother this morning followed by a text that read: call me when you get a chance. I dialed immediately and heard the news I was dreading. My grandmother is not doing well, "taken a turn for the worse" is how the nurse that called my mother described it.
I am in Long Island this weekend and my first instinct is to drive upstate. My mom kindly reminded me that this knee jerk reaction would not be supported by grandmother. She would want me to do all the things I had planned already to do with the kids today. A fair in a nearby town, a salamander hunt tonight with a local museum, a late night movie. She has always, since I had children, emphasized her desire for me to always put them first.
I will get an update from my mom later today when she visits my grandmother after work. Based on this report, I will take the train up tomorrow or Monday. My fear is not that she will die, that is inevitable. My fear is that she will spend the remainder of her life before she dies in pain and that her Alzheimer's will take over completely and she will die surrounded by family, but still alone.
Wishing for her peace and a painless journey to the other side, when ever that might be.
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