I think I hear the clock ticking louder than usual lately. Perhaps it's why I am trying to make my once every two week visits turn into once a week visits. She is 85 and extremely overweight and suffering from Alzheimer's. Her mortality is very, very real to me.
I am extremely lucky to have a husband and kids that do not mind me leaving them for a night. Okay, let's be honest, they probably enjoy it. This time has been special for them, just like its been special for me and my mother. There is bonding happening and memories being made all around me, while at the same time, memories are being lost everyday. So far, when I visit, she still remembers who I am, remembers our routine of snacks and cards, and remembers that I have three kids, though the names often get jumbled.
Yesterday's visit was nice and sad, maybe sad because it was nice. She is fighting her current situation less, joining in activities more and less negative. She still complains about me putting her in there (her words, it's how she introduces me to everyone, the person that put her in there), but she moves on from her grumbling quickly. I point out how much lonelier she was before and how much safer she is now. She may not like it, but on some level, she knows I'm right.
While playing cards yesterday it hit me how much I love her, and have always loved her, and how deeply I will miss her when she's gone.
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